In My World

The title of this post is pretty vague, I know, but I don’t know how else to put it. But keep reading and I hope you will get what I am trying to say here.

Late last night, while lying in bed, waiting for sleep to take over, I was remembering my first year at Uni and how things have evolved. And mostly, I was thinking of the number of different people I met there. And how these people interacted with each other. One thing that struck me in particular, was how they “used” each other. In fact, that word “used” is what got me confused. There should be a clear difference between “using” and “needing” someone right?

Has it ever occurred to you that you seem to turn to someone in particular when you have a specific problem to solve? Like you seem to think that only he or she can help you out but that at the same time you know that if you look harder, you can solve the issue yourself or someone else can do it? why *that* someone alone? Is it because you know that he or she *IS* going to be there and would help you out if you just ask? has that ever occurred to you? If yes then, has it ever occurred to you, that when you don’t have any problem that person can solve, you have nothing to say to them? How can that be? One minute you may be “needing” that person, and the minute the need “satisfied”, you are done with them? So my question here is that: do we need that person or are we using that person?

Now, I would like to say what I understand by “needing” and “using” someone. Needing involves both persons completely. It is like you have them in your life because they are important to you and that you are important to them. There is a connection on the emotional level. Both are there for each other. When you have a problem, you go to them because in your head, you know that they will do their best to help you out and you are grateful to them. And you know, you will show it, consciously or not. It runs both ways, that is, when you have helped them too, they’ll show how much it meant to them that you were there. Sometimes it is just a *smile*, a *hug*, but a $real$ one! That is the big difference! $real$ and yeah, that person means something to you. You share a relationship. Somehow, he or she brings something in your life that you appreciate. Now, using someone just seems *cold*. It is blunt: you want that person around because they serve a purpose to you. You go to them because they will be some kind of use to you. They will make getting something you want easy to obtain. *That* is all they bring to you. Other than that, you don’t really want to know the person, to share some kind of relationship with them. However, in my opinion, there are people who act like that intentionally and others not. That is the problem I think. Sometimes you do not realise when you are in fact just using someone. You know, for example, if X uses Y, and Y uses X, then it does not matter. Both do the same to each other, so they kind of cancel each other out. No damage caused. But what if X uses Y, and Y *feels* it? It is like that, Y knows X, and Y wants a more meaningful relationship with X, Y is bound to notice that X is only there when they want something. Like picture this: Y sees X coming from a distance towards him/her. In Y’s head, it goes something like this: “Ah, What does X wants this time?” It hurts, isn’t it? when you find out that you are nothing but a help desk in someone’s life. But before starting to hate that person, keep in mind that he or she might not be realising what they are doing. There is no precise way to know that for sure. At least I do not know any!

What to do then? Last night, some stuffs came to mind:

1. Stop talking to that person. 2. Turn the other way when you see them coming. 3. Flatly refuse to help. 4. Tell them straight up what you feel. 5. 1-4 is wrong!

Come on, someone may be using you, but hey, you don’t necessarily need to feel *used*! Ok, it hurts, yes, but make it stop. Someone hurts you only when you allow it. It is all in your head and a matter of attitude. So, I say, do not stop seeing that person, and continue to do your best to help. Do not look for gratitude in others. Be grateful to yourself that you *could* help. Focus in finding the pride in yourself. Make it all about ***YOU*** and you will be happy!

And yeah, if you think you are among those who have realised that you have used someone unintentionally, put a stop to it. Make amendments! Give yourself a chance to be a better person.

And if you use someone intentionally, you know just how low you are yourself. If you have a conscience, you know the best thing to do. (and I sincerely do not like you, even if I do not know who you are and who you might be using.)

Before signing off, I would like to make a precision. Whatever I am writing here, is from a very very very general point of view. Everyone’s case of “needing or using” ain’t the same. But still, make it all about you…

There is something that has always caught my attention: people do not know how to accept a compliment. I find myself among those people sometimes. But then I sat and thought about it. It should not be that way. I mean, when someone has congratulated on something you have done or they find something about you that they like, it can only mean that somewhere you have earned that person’s respect and admiration. But it can happen, as it most of the time happens with me, you are so flustered you do not know what to say!

However, after thinking long about it again, there are in fact many small things that one can do in such situations. One can simply say “thank you”! It is the classic thing to do anyway and it does not take a lot to say that now, does it? This helps more when the compliment has caught you off guard. To smile can also do the trick. And besides, you have probably earned it, so enjoy your moment in the spotlight. In addition to that, it saves you from having to say anything! Now, one can also compliment the other person in return! Say something nice about the person who gave you a compliment. One very important thing, in my opinion, is that one has to give credit where credit is due. Sometimes a certain work is done by a group and only some individuals get congratulated for it. In such situations, these individuals must share the compliment with the whole group. This is especially effective if the person giving the compliment was responsible for your success.

Let’s take this on some other aspects. Sometimes, when a person has complimented someone, the latter tends to argue. If argue is the right word here! They just do not agree with the compliment! I do that myself. I realise it is something worthless! Just because I know my accomplishment was not really all that hard or the compliment did not really fit does not mean I have to protest or object to the compliment. I guess then that the best thing to do is to smile, say thanks, and let it go! (Easier said than done? I do not think so! It just takes a little self-control! )

And well, I have observed that it can so happen that when someone has been complimented, they try to fish for more! I think here it is more of a psychological problem or just human nature! Hence beyond my comprehension!

Bottom line I’ll just say that a compliment is something good! So take which ever way you find more gracious!

“Give blood, Save a life.” or so the slogan goes right?

I have never given blood in my life before. Yesterday, however, I decided to change that. The blood caravan was on campus and I thought it was an opportunity to do a good action. So, all three of us, Ash, Gul and I, went to fill the form etc. No need to say I was terrified! and it showed!!! However, little courageous me decided not to go back! I really made up my mind! Our turn came and we gave our blood. I really will not go into details about how they took my blood. I feel like crying when I think about it now. It was not all that bad but see, I fainted some two hours after these vampires have taken 450ml of blood from me!!! :(  Apparently, I was not eligible to be a blood donor, I found out later!

Yes people, you have got to be “eligible” before giving your blood!

” To give blood for transfusion to another person, you must be healthy, be at least 17 years old or 16 years old if allowed by state law, weigh at least 110 pounds (that is about 50kg, and the criteria I do not meet by the way) , and not have donated blood in the last 8 weeks (56 days) or a donation of double red cells in the last 16 weeks (111 days). “Healthy” means that you feel well and can perform normal activities. If you have a chronic condition such as diabetes or high blood pressure, “healthy” also means that you are being treated and the condition is under control.

Other aspects of each potential donor’s health history are discussed as part of the donation process before any blood is collected. Each donor receives a brief examination during which temperature, pulse, blood pressure and blood count (hemoglobin or hematocrit) are measured. (They neither took my temperature nor did they do a blood count! ) “

To have more information, visit the American Red Cross website: http://www.redcross.org/services/biomed/0,1082,0_557_,00.html

Like I mentioned in my last blog, I went to see my brother’s show on ninjitsu. I did not know what to expect really. Since I had nothing else to do, I tagged along with mum. When we arrived at the Plaine Verte Garden, where this little show was to take place, a fair amount of people was already there. To begin with there was a magic show. Very funny and amusing. After that, some of the organisers and some politicians took the mike.

I thought I was in for an hour or so of boredom. I hate long speeches! But sometimes, if you are listening well, it is worth it. There was this social worker, the President of the Association, “Coeur de la Plaine Verte”, which organised this event, he talked at length about the Youth of Plaine Verte. He talked about the different difficulties these youngsters are facing and what his organisation is trying to do and what he did personally. I thought to myself that I underestimated the work of a benevolent social worker. I mean there are some people out there who spend their life looking after the needy and do not ask anything in return. Really, I say these men and women are courageous! They are fighting so that the young in that locality does not fall into drugs and the sort. My family may not have a big house, a big car or lots of money in the bank, however, I have never lacked anything. I believe that those who are “lucky” as I am will not really appreciate poverty, what it is like in reality. We may feel compassionate and imagine the difficulties. So that is why I really admire people who devote some of their time to the Poor. They do not have to do it but still they are there.

Next a politician spoke. The organisation in question is not linked to politics but they often need help from those in power. And this man spoke a lot about education. Education is the future. As it is often said, an educated child is a country’s greatest treasure. One thing he pointed out that caught my attention. He said that some people, due to religious beliefs tend not to work in certain flourishing sectors! He mentioned for example, tourism. Numerous hotels are under construction and hence, many job opportunities for these people. However, they do not even want to follow the necessary training to join the sector. This is quite an issue to me! Come on, you need a job and those jobs can at least help you out of your misery! I see nothing wrong in doing a clean job, even if in status it is considered to be a lowly one! Besides, there are no lowly jobs as long as you are working honestly and being able to look after yourself and your family. But there are some who are picky, even when they can’t afford to be!

Afterwards, there were judo and ninjitsu shows. Both were breathtaking but without being biased, ( ), the ninjitsu one was most impressive! My little brother is quite good at what he does. I think that activities as such help these adolescents to rightly channel their excess of energy. At the same time, they can be proud of themselves which in consequence, make them feel good about themselves. They hence, will not turn to drugs and other bad things.

Yeah, not to forget that I won myself a book about basketball there last night. The host for the event wanted to know what “Richard of york Gained battle in vain” was meant for. R O Y G B I V represent colours of the rainbow of course! I answered correctly and got that book. Now, I am not a very great fan of basketball but hey, it will always remind me of that night!

I had to accompany mum at the bank today. As expected, there was a long line of people waiting. I thought it would be boring to wait such a long time for our turn. Mum got annoyed with me and told me to get myself a seat. I gladly did that. So while sitting there, I took a good look around. There were “No Smoking”, “No Wearing of Helmets”, “No Use of Mobile Phones” signs posted on the walls. Just a minute after that, my mobile phone started ringing. I quickly took it out of my bag and switched off the sound. I did not want to be told off by the security guard there. Besides, it was not an important call. Usual miss call pranks. One thing that strikes me while sitting for some thirty minutes there, is the number of people who did not respect that particular “No Use of Mobile Phones” signs. One man who was in the line, took out his mobile and was talking loudly at that. I understand you would not want to lose your place in one long queue but still have the decency to talk softly or something! Or he could just not take the call. He was positively barking in that phone. He could have been disturbing the officers there but I do not think he cared too much. He was not the only to take calls in the bank. However, they were not anything obvious like him. Also, the security guard did not stop him! What is he being paid for I wonder!

I do not know why people do not respect small signs like that. Every institution has rules of its own. Rules are there for a reason. Respecting them is the least one can do. I cannot understand why some people find it hard to do. And those who are supposed to help make citizens abide by these rules are turning a blind eye to it!

Now, something else that stroke me today is a very bad comment someone made. There was this man sitting next to me. He was with, I assume, his daughter. The mother was queuing. They were looking at her and were talking among themselves. Along came this little girl. She slipped but got up real quick. She was embarrassed and run to her mum. You would not believe what that father said! It was shocking to me. He told his daughter:”May be she got drunk along with her father. That is why she can’t walk straight. Ah, those black people!” That little girl did not deserve that. It is true that in Mauritius black people are looked down upon. They do not have a good reputation. But still, a comment like that is ill-placed. The daughter and mother laughed along with the father. I was disgusted. Really! How can a little girl get drunk with her father? What is funny in that comment?! If some people of the little girl’s race are drunkards, that doesn’t necessarily mean that her family is like one of them. There are bad people everywhere. Judging someone according to ethnicity, culture and religion is downright despicable!

Anyway, who said waiting in line at the bank was annoying and frustrating? If you look around you and study fellow human beings ( without staring or gawking or listening on conversations, except if you can’t help it…), time will go by quickly and you’ll learn a thing or two…

I am not here today to ask anyone to stop smoking. Some say we should not give up on trying to make someone stop smoking but hey, we are living in a world where everyone is aware of the dangers of smoking. If someone starts, they better take their own responsibility.

One thing I would like to talk about is that there are some smokers who think they are beyond the Law. I noticed this specially in buses. (Buses ain’t an obsession of mine…I just travel a lot by bus and I notice things ) There are “No Smoking” signs in all buses. However, some smokers do not pay any attention to them. They would smoke as they like. What is more shocking in my opinion, is that the bus conductors tolerate that! They will not tell these people anything. If someone raises their attention to a person who is smoking in the bus, they will brush it off as being of little importance. I did that once. I told the conductor to ask a smoker to stop smoking in here because it is simply not allowed. The man told me to wait a minute. He would have a word with the guy. A minute turned into some five minutes. The guy had already finished with his cigarette. Still, the conductor did not say anything.

What I would like to tell those beyond-the-law smokers is to learn some respect. Non-smokers, are non-smokers because they do not wish to ruin their health the way they, the smokers, have CHOSEN to. Smokers, Please respect the non-smokers’ choice, the way your choice is being respected. Smokers, Please respect “No Smoking” signs in buses, restaurants, cafeterias, shopping malls and the like.

One last thing, Die but let Live!

I am here today to write about bus conductors. No one really talks about them. It is high time someone starts. However, I must say that I am talking about my personal experience with these people. Whatever I am about to say here does not mean it applies to every other conductor!

Here we go! Lately, I have developed a kind of disgust against these individuals! They have to be the rudest persons I’ve ever come across! Ever since I’ve been a regular bus user, I have been noticing this. Funnily enough though, they have never been rude with me. If they ever did, they would not know what hit them!

More seriously, I have witnessed some situations where their behaviour was really atrocious!

One time it was with an old couple. For those who do not know, old people are granted free transport in Mauritius. This means that they can travel to wherever they want to without having to pay anything. This old couple was badly-mouthed by that foolish conductor. The conductor’s problem was that the old man’s name did not appear clearly on the card old people need to show to testify that they are eligible for free transport. This was merely the case because the card was placed in a transparent plastic card holder. Besides, the conductor does not really need to know the man’s name! How would he check if the person’s name is really the one on the card?! All he has to check is the picture of the person and the issue date on that card. The old man was calm though. He removed the card from the plastic holder and showed it to the conductor. The latter was not satisfied yet. He looked at the card and told the old man in a real nasty and mean tone that he should have removed the card earlier. He shouldn’t have wasted his time asking the old man to do so. Then he kinds of look at us other passengers and said that these people are abusing! They are given a monthly pension. So why should they be given free transport?! He went on saying old people should better stay at home. They should not be traveling! What the heck is the problem with that conductor?! Having a bad morning?! This does not excuse the way he addressed that old man! Come on, the money for the pension and the free transport does not come out of his pocket!! And he does not own the bus company, does he?! He is not making any losses!!! Also, the Government pays a monthly fee to the various companies. So I do not quite understand what was really the issue here. A conductor in a bad mood? It is only human to have a bad mood but nevertheless one should not forget one’s manners! Old people deserve all our respect and if you are having a bad time, deal with it in a mature way. Do not take it out on others.

On a second time, it happened to a student. All students are granted free transport as well. This time around, the bus conductor had a problem with the way the student was sitting! There was actually nothing basically wrong with it. The student happens to be tall and of course, he could not sit properly in that short distance between the front seat and his. His leg just brushed with the conductor’s. And that caused the student a three-minute long of insulting. In a line, the conductor told him that since he isn’t paying, if he cannot sit well, he just has to stand up or to just leave the bus. Did the student deserve such talking to? Is it his fault he is tall? Has he decided to give himself free transport? Is it his fault that such small distance is provided between two seats? No! So here too, the conductor’s behaviour was terribly unfair and uncalled for!

I have seen other such situations more often than not. And the ultimate problem, in my opinion is that these bus conductors do not agree to the free transport concept. But why should that be a problem to them? The company owners have cut down on their salaries? They should place their complaints where appropriate or deal with the Government! Why should we fellow travelers be badly treated because of that?!

Bus conductors are in contact with people all day through. They should have good speaking manners and make kind impressions on others. Every individual should by the way. They are in the transport business. Just offering comfortable seats isn’t enough! A good service is most vital! But I do not think these conductors understand that. I would suggest then a personality test must be carried out to see if they have good communication skills during their interview (if we are supposing they are interviewed before being employed!).

Some people take good manners for granted…but that is what makes a society goes round…in my humble opinion, of course!