Needing or Using?

The title of this post is pretty vague, I know, but I don’t know how else to put it. But keep reading and I hope you will get what I am trying to say here.

Late last night, while lying in bed, waiting for sleep to take over, I was remembering my first year at Uni and how things have evolved. And mostly, I was thinking of the number of different people I met there. And how these people interacted with each other. One thing that struck me in particular, was how they “used” each other. In fact, that word “used” is what got me confused. There should be a clear difference between “using” and “needing” someone right?

Has it ever occurred to you that you seem to turn to someone in particular when you have a specific problem to solve? Like you seem to think that only he or she can help you out but that at the same time you know that if you look harder, you can solve the issue yourself or someone else can do it? why *that* someone alone? Is it because you know that he or she *IS* going to be there and would help you out if you just ask? has that ever occurred to you? If yes then, has it ever occurred to you, that when you don’t have any problem that person can solve, you have nothing to say to them? How can that be? One minute you may be “needing” that person, and the minute the need “satisfied”, you are done with them? So my question here is that: do we need that person or are we using that person?

Now, I would like to say what I understand by “needing” and “using” someone. Needing involves both persons completely. It is like you have them in your life because they are important to you and that you are important to them. There is a connection on the emotional level. Both are there for each other. When you have a problem, you go to them because in your head, you know that they will do their best to help you out and you are grateful to them. And you know, you will show it, consciously or not. It runs both ways, that is, when you have helped them too, they’ll show how much it meant to them that you were there. Sometimes it is just a *smile*, a *hug*, but a $real$ one! That is the big difference! $real$ and yeah, that person means something to you. You share a relationship. Somehow, he or she brings something in your life that you appreciate. Now, using someone just seems *cold*. It is blunt: you want that person around because they serve a purpose to you. You go to them because they will be some kind of use to you. They will make getting something you want easy to obtain. *That* is all they bring to you. Other than that, you don’t really want to know the person, to share some kind of relationship with them. However, in my opinion, there are people who act like that intentionally and others not. That is the problem I think. Sometimes you do not realise when you are in fact just using someone. You know, for example, if X uses Y, and Y uses X, then it does not matter. Both do the same to each other, so they kind of cancel each other out. No damage caused. But what if X uses Y, and Y *feels* it? It is like that, Y knows X, and Y wants a more meaningful relationship with X, Y is bound to notice that X is only there when they want something. Like picture this: Y sees X coming from a distance towards him/her. In Y’s head, it goes something like this: “Ah, What does X wants this time?” It hurts, isn’t it? when you find out that you are nothing but a help desk in someone’s life. But before starting to hate that person, keep in mind that he or she might not be realising what they are doing. There is no precise way to know that for sure. At least I do not know any! 😛

What to do then? Last night, some stuffs came to mind:

1. Stop talking to that person. 2. Turn the other way when you see them coming. 3. Flatly refuse to help. 4. Tell them straight up what you feel. 5. 1-4 is wrong!

Come on, someone may be using you, but hey, you don’t necessarily need to feel *used*! 😉 Ok, it hurts, yes, but make it stop. Someone hurts you only when you allow it. It is all in your head and a matter of attitude. So, I say, do not stop seeing that person, and continue to do your best to help. Do not look for gratitude in others. Be grateful to yourself that you *could* help. Focus in finding the pride in yourself. Make it all about ***YOU*** and you will be happy! 😉

And yeah, if you think you are among those who have realised that you have used someone unintentionally, put a stop to it. Make amendments! 😉 Give yourself a chance to be a better person. 🙂

And if you use someone intentionally, you know just how low you are yourself. If you have a conscience, you know the best thing to do. (and I sincerely do not like you, even if I do not know who you are and who you might be using.)

Before signing off, I would like to make a precision. Whatever I am writing here, is from a very very very general point of view. Everyone’s case of “needing or using” ain’t the same. But still, make it all about you… 😉


Hey there bloggers!

It has been a while since I’ve last blogged! Hmm, months in fact! Time does fly by quickly…

On my last post I mentioned how hectic the days were back then. Well, it is all over now. I have completed my final year project and what a stress has that been. Ooof! and not to mention the exams! Guess it is because it is my final year and everything and the tension and worry is kind of more fierce! 😉 Anyway, all *that* stress is gone now and another has taken its place. Stress because of results! But duh duh, I am not going to think about that just now! 😛

A little update about me: I’ve turned 22 on the 27th of may. (Yeps Grown up now!) and I am working! (and have to act like a grown up too!) I am a “ingenieur d’etudes” (I have no idea how to say that appropriately in English. :S ) at Astek Mauritius. So basically I am still on the learning process. Understanding what the system is about and how to manage it. I’ve been working for three weeks already and let me tell you, it does not feel like it. But I am enjoying my time there. Ok, not all the time, but hey, for me it is much better than staying at home and doing absolutely nothing, or watch TV, or to go Shopping whenever I feel like it, to sleep till late.. Gosh, do I seem like a big liar here? Duh, I do! Nuh, Seriously, working is great but I do miss the real “holidays”! However, I guess we have reached that point in life where we are not granted “real holidays” anymore. It is time to be a responsible and independent individual. It is time for pay back. All through 18 years, we have been given almost everything ~free~: education, food, cloth, transport and the like. Now, we have to take it upon us to contribute so that others after us enjoy the same “free” stuffs we did. It is time also, for us to take care of our parents. To help them in their old days and to be grateful. Ha! I got a bit side-tracked I think! 😛 I was saying we ain’t given “real holidays” anymore, but hey! the week-ends are still here! 😉 So for me, Saturday is basically Shopping Day! (I so love that word: shopping shoppi-nnng shooooppp–inng!) I am out nearly all day. Sunday is sleeping till late day and tidying room day. Normally, I am not a big fan of Sundays. :S So ppfftt…

Anyway, feels good to have written down something after such a long time..I kind of forgot how much I enjoy it. 🙂