The title of this post is pretty vague, I know, but I don’t know how else to put it. But keep reading and I hope you will get what I am trying to say here.
Late last night, while lying in bed, waiting for sleep to take over, I was remembering my first year at Uni and how things have evolved. And mostly, I was thinking of the number of different people I met there. And how these people interacted with each other. One thing that struck me in particular, was how they “used” each other. In fact, that word “used” is what got me confused. There should be a clear difference between “using” and “needing” someone right?
Has it ever occurred to you that you seem to turn to someone in particular when you have a specific problem to solve? Like you seem to think that only he or she can help you out but that at the same time you know that if you look harder, you can solve the issue yourself or someone else can do it? why *that* someone alone? Is it because you know that he or she *IS* going to be there and would help you out if you just ask? has that ever occurred to you? If yes then, has it ever occurred to you, that when you don’t have any problem that person can solve, you have nothing to say to them? How can that be? One minute you may be “needing” that person, and the minute the need “satisfied”, you are done with them? So my question here is that: do we need that person or are we using that person?
Now, I would like to say what I understand by “needing” and “using” someone. Needing involves both persons completely. It is like you have them in your life because they are important to you and that you are important to them. There is a connection on the emotional level. Both are there for each other. When you have a problem, you go to them because in your head, you know that they will do their best to help you out and you are grateful to them. And you know, you will show it, consciously or not. It runs both ways, that is, when you have helped them too, they’ll show how much it meant to them that you were there. Sometimes it is just a *smile*, a *hug*, but a $real$ one! That is the big difference! $real$ and yeah, that person means something to you. You share a relationship. Somehow, he or she brings something in your life that you appreciate. Now, using someone just seems *cold*. It is blunt: you want that person around because they serve a purpose to you. You go to them because they will be some kind of use to you. They will make getting something you want easy to obtain. *That* is all they bring to you. Other than that, you don’t really want to know the person, to share some kind of relationship with them. However, in my opinion, there are people who act like that intentionally and others not. That is the problem I think. Sometimes you do not realise when you are in fact just using someone. You know, for example, if X uses Y, and Y uses X, then it does not matter. Both do the same to each other, so they kind of cancel each other out. No damage caused. But what if X uses Y, and Y *feels* it? It is like that, Y knows X, and Y wants a more meaningful relationship with X, Y is bound to notice that X is only there when they want something. Like picture this: Y sees X coming from a distance towards him/her. In Y’s head, it goes something like this: “Ah, What does X wants this time?” It hurts, isn’t it? when you find out that you are nothing but a help desk in someone’s life. But before starting to hate that person, keep in mind that he or she might not be realising what they are doing. There is no precise way to know that for sure. At least I do not know any! 😛
What to do then? Last night, some stuffs came to mind:
1. Stop talking to that person. 2. Turn the other way when you see them coming. 3. Flatly refuse to help. 4. Tell them straight up what you feel. 5. 1-4 is wrong!
Come on, someone may be using you, but hey, you don’t necessarily need to feel *used*! 😉 Ok, it hurts, yes, but make it stop. Someone hurts you only when you allow it. It is all in your head and a matter of attitude. So, I say, do not stop seeing that person, and continue to do your best to help. Do not look for gratitude in others. Be grateful to yourself that you *could* help. Focus in finding the pride in yourself. Make it all about ***YOU*** and you will be happy! 😉
And yeah, if you think you are among those who have realised that you have used someone unintentionally, put a stop to it. Make amendments! 😉 Give yourself a chance to be a better person. 🙂
And if you use someone intentionally, you know just how low you are yourself. If you have a conscience, you know the best thing to do. (and I sincerely do not like you, even if I do not know who you are and who you might be using.)
Before signing off, I would like to make a precision. Whatever I am writing here, is from a very very very general point of view. Everyone’s case of “needing or using” ain’t the same. But still, make it all about you… 😉